Monday, December 4, 2017

How sure are you, that you say
One and one is two?
I have fallen in love

and, I have lost every single time.

love has lost its spell on me
Yet, I am here to give it a try
I may be dry 
But, I am sure I want to give it a try

To feel the love in my tummy
And, to be lost with a smile in her thoughts
let me wander in her dreams
let me watch her smile.

And, Then I will sing
one and one is two.

©Ajay Pai Dec 2017

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Why did you run away from me?
Without a clue … a sign
Yeah, it is true that I hold an empty account
And, that I do not drive a car
Is that the reason why?

Gaze into my eyes
And, you’ll see the light
Of love
Just the way every inch of my skin
Has felt your caress
that ran down through your fingers 

I am sitting here feeling numb
Not knowing what to do
With an empty glass of sorrows
And, a room full of darkness

how do I say, without tears
that it hurts?

(Why did you run away from me?
Without a clue … a sign)

Copyright @ Ajay Pai
November, 7th 2017
Image courtesy :  AJ's personal archives

Friday, November 3, 2017

Her Breast :
She left me
When the night Bird sang a song

of farewell in the month of February
But, before she could leave
She offered me her voluptuous breast
Full of poison
Which I sucked until she pulled it away
Now, I wander through the night in search of her
To tell her how I spew venom.

Image courtesy : AJ's personal archive
© Ajay Pai - Sep 25th 2017

Thursday, September 21, 2017

The sun has never set today
Thus, keeping me awake
And, has taken away from my embrace,
the warm, cosy night. 

© AJ 2016
#micropoem titled *Sleepless Nights*

Sunday, September 17, 2017

My heart was brimming with love, for you
But you cut my lips
and then left me to die, bleeding
On that day on Valentines

Yet I sang for you
with my heart and soul
on that day on Valentines

My love, How I wish
I could see you tonight
before I fall asleep
send  me your love,
Mend my broken heart
Call out my name - AJ
as huskily as you could
and, leave me alone 
to drench in your sighs

Copyright +Ajay Pai 
Sep 17th 2017

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Feed me , feed me some love
Feed me with your sexy kohl eyes
Stir it with nectar 
And, whip it with honey
add some chocolate
Turn it to brown
And, turn me on..
( feed me some love)

Kiss me now 
Hold me in your grip
Burn me down 
lets beat the odds 
And, fight the dark. 
(Feed me some love)

Love me in June
Caress me in November
Wink me a goodbye in February
Hold me, hold me tight..Will ya!

Here, I summon you
To sit across the table
And, let's make some dirty love on the streets 
( feed me some love)

Copyright @ Ajay Pai 
Sep 14th 2017

Sunday, August 20, 2017

അഞ്ജലി തൻ ആരോമലേ, 
നെറുകയിൽ ചൂടിയ മയില്പീലിയാലോ,
അഞ്ജലി തൻ അജ്ഞനമിഴിയാലോ നിൻ അഴക്‌? 
ഓടക്കുഴൽ തഴുകും, നിൻ അധരങ്ങൾ മൂളും
സപ്തസ്വരങ്ങളാലോ നിൻ മാധുര്യം?
ഈ ഉലകം തൻ ഉള്ളിൽ ഒളിപ്പിക്കും ചകോരനേ,
അതിലോലമായ നിൻ പാദങ്ങളിൽ കിലുങ്ങും
ചിലങ്കയിലോ പ്രപഞ്ച സംഗീതം?
ചോരനേ, നിൻ കടകണ്ണുകളാൽ ആരേ നീ
ചാരേ വിളിക്കുന്നു?

Copyright for the poem @Ajay Pai
August 2017

आज फिर छू  लूँ उसे मैं 
इन सीली सीली रातों से 
छीलूं पंखुड़ी जैसा उसका अंग 
होंठों की धार से 
सजाऊँ सेज मैं  आज 
उसकी सुलगती हुई सीत्कारियों से 
भीगा दूँ तपता हुआ ये बदन उसकी 
नज़ाकत में | 

तेरेलिये बस तेरेलिये
ये रात और नशा 
तू ही तो बेवफा , तू ही तो बेवफा (तेरेलिये)

सौंधी सी खुशबू तेरी
और ये बिलखती रात
मद्धम मद्धम सी
सिसकियाँ लेती हुई तन्हा,
बेज़ुबान इस प्यार को कर गयी  (तेरेलिये)

नशा ये प्यार का ढल ही जाएगा 
कच्चे रंग की तरह धीमे धीमे 
घुल जाएगा 
उसके कजरारे अखियनन में ।  


Copyright @ Ajay Pai
Aug 14th 2017

Saturday, August 12, 2017

This afternoon, I was hunting for hotels for my luncheon.  As there are not too many options at Royapettah, Chennai, the area where I dwell, I decide to have my lunch from a hotel which is nearby where I reside.

As I progressed to the entrance, I see an old man approaching me and mumbling something. As he appeared extremely ugly, shabby and malodorous, I decide to give him an ignore and went in to order food as nothing came about.

But then, I knew from within that my conduct was inappropriate, considering his age factor.   When this thought started pricking me, I decide to approach him. As he saw me approaching, he got down to talk to me in English and politely requested me to buy him some food.  This behavior of his intrigued me.  Somewhere, I felt, he may have been cast out by his family members.  First time ever, I decide to buy someone, who is neither my friend nor family, something which he had asked for, and, that too for a homeless man.   I ordered food for him, got it parceled and I paid the bill for the gentle old man.

I became busy with munching down my lunch and by the time I was done, I could see him nowhere in the vicinity.  He had already left.

I walked down the junction, crossed the lane and I hear a weaker voice trying to reach me from far behind; “Saar, saar.  I bless you from bottom of my heart. You have provided food to an orphan a homeless”. 

I could very easily relate to the word orphan and the emotions attached to it.  My eyes got all teary. I requested him for a photograph with him and he replied with a smile “with all my heart, and with pleasure”. (in English) 

What could be his story?  

I could be that homeless man tomorrow, who knows. Despite we cling on to our family and friends, we live a farce life, where we make ourselves believe that we are amongst those fortunate who are bound by all family and friends.   Maybe, this gentle old man, also had the same feeling, until life knocked him down.

Copyright @ Ajay Pai 
August 12th 2017

Friday, August 4, 2017

Here I stand tall facing you, Naked
This isn’t a feast for your lustful eyes.
Yes, I have the bulges at the right place
chiseled muscles - maybe
Indeed, my bare chest is bushy
And, I have spiraled pubes down there
Do you see my man thighs that are pale?
My limp manhood?
Do I make you cringe?
Does me being malodorous suffocate your nostril??
This shapeless ass of mine, does it offend you?
O, is that my tanned skin which makes you drool
Or, is it my stubble?

I am vulnerable, yet I am strong
Alas, we both have no choice
I am a male by birth
And, I have no womb
This is how I was born.

But in here, in the no-man’s land
It is a sin
It is a sin
It is a sin to be born with no womb

The curse has come upon us
From now on, O’ son of Adam
You will be deprived of your own lineage
You will remain an outcast from your own clan
as, you are merely a sperm donor.

Copyright @Ajay Pai 2017

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

ജ്വാലയായ് , തീ നാളമായി പ്രകാശിക്കും 
നിൻ മിഴികൾക്കു മുന്നിൽ 
വെറും ഒരു  ഏഴയായി ഞാൻ ഇതാ നില്പൂ 
അമ്മേ നാരായണ ശരണമന്ത്രത്താൽ 
അലയടിക്കും നിൻ ക്ഷേത്രാങ്കണത്തിൽ 
ഈ ധൂളികയുടെ ദീനരോദനം എന്തെ   
പ്രതിധ്വനികാത്തു ?
അമ്മതൻ മാറിലേ അമ്മിഞ്ഞപ്പാൽ 
ഉറഞ്ഞു പോയതോ, കാരണം?

copyright @ Ajay Pai July 2017

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

കണ്ണാ  നീ എൻ  ചകോരൻ 
കള്ള കണ്ണൻ , നീ  എൻ ചോരൻ 
എന്താണെൻ  അപരാധം ചൊല്ക നീ 
ചകോരൻ എന്ന് ചൊന്നതോ?
അതോ , ചോരൻ എന്ന് വിളിച്ചതോ ?
എന്തിനായ് ചാർത്തി നീ കളങ്കം 
എൻ നെറുകയിൽ 
കളഭമല്ലയോ ഉത്തമം , തിരുത്തുക നീ . 

Copyright @ Ajay Pai July 2017.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

ഇമ ചിമ്മാതെ നിൻ മിഴികളാൽ മെല്ലേ നീ 
എന്നെ പുൽകിയ നേരം 
കാർമേഘങ്ങൾ തൻ മിഴികൾ 
നാണത്താൽ മറച്ചു 
സൗരഭ്യം പരത്തും നിൻ അധരങ്ങളെ 
താലോലം തലോടി ഞാൻ 
ഉണർത്തട്ടെയോ നിൻ നെഞ്ചകത്തിൽ 
മധുവിധു പകരും ആദിപാപം 

copyright @ Ajay Pai 

Monday, June 26, 2017

दोपहर के तीन बजे थे
और छत पे था कोई खटखटाता
देखा तो थी बूँदें बारिश की
टिप टिप सी कूद रही थी

असमय आनेवाली ये बरसात
ले गयी मुझे वापस मेरे बचपन की गलियों में 
नफरत है मुझे इन बेरंग बूंदों से 
याद दिलाती है ये मुझे टूटी हुई छत की 
और सीली सीली सी  दीवारों की 
जो सूज गई थी गरीबी की कहर से 

कभी बिमारी ले आती थी अपने साथ ये 
या  कभी भूखापेट सुलाकर -
चली जाती थी दबे पाँव  
बिजली जब कौंध जाती थी 
सहम के छुप जाता था में 
माँ के फटे हुए आँचल में 
खुद को बचाते उन काले राक्षसों से 

आज ये बारिश की बूँदें फिर ताज़ा 
कर गई वो यादें, पर आज तो अफ़सोस ये है की 
न रही माँ और न उसका आँचल |

Copyright @ Ajay Pai  26th June 2017
Image courtesy: Pexels

Thursday, June 22, 2017

എൻ ശ്വാസമേ എന്നിൽ നിന്നും 
അകന്നു പോവുന്നതെന്തെ നീ  
കാണാമറയത്തു നിന്നു
കുളിർ കാറ്റു വീശുവാനോ ?
അറിയുന്നുവോ നീ -
എൻ മനതാരിൽ നീളേ നിൻ 
പ്രേമത്തിൻ തളിർ മണ്ഡപങ്ങൾ 
ഒരു ചെമ്പനീർ ഇരുത്തു
നിൻ മുടിയിഴയിൽ വയ്ക്കുവാൻ 
വെറുതെ എൻ മനം തുടിച്ചു 

copyright +Ajay Pai 23rd June 2017
Image courtesy : AJ's personal archive

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Knock me down, kick me off
take me away from the night
that falls tomorrow

my fists are clenched
and, the heart is cold
as you drag me to the podium

I see no angels up there
But, vampires
With their masks on, waiting

It is there on the podium
they’ll pronounce me as a husband
And, the night that ensues
Will blow away from me my virginity.

Copyright @ Ajay Pai 22nd June 2017

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

They never bought me toys
We were poor
Now that I could buy toys
They say, I am grown up

Some dreams remain
And then, you realize 
You've been consumed 
by your own dreams, chasing

So is love, for me
premature was its death
in the womb of my heart
Just like a broken toy

The lump of love
has now hardened like cancer
It has begun to feed on my life;
Slow and painful
Would be my death.

Copyright @ Ajay Pai 11th March 2017

होले  होले  थरथराती 
छनक छनक पायलिया बाँध 
आयी  मेघा बाँवरी बरसती हुई !
बिजली जब कौंध जाती थी 
सहम के टिप टिप गिरते थे 
आँसू उसकी ऊंची अटरिया से !

Copyright @ Ajay Pai  June 20 th 2017 

Sunday, June 18, 2017

നീലാകാശ  ചെരുവിൽ മഞ്ഞു പോൽ 
ഒഴുകി നടക്കും എൻ കാവ്യമേഘമേ 
ഇന്നിനി എങ്ങിനെ  ഞാൻ മൂളും 
എൻ പൈതലിനായ് ഒരു താരാട്ട് 
അമ്മിഞ്ഞ പാലിൻ മധുരം നുണഞ്ഞവൻ 
താതന്റെ  ഹൃദയ നൊമ്പരത്തിൻ 
വീണയിൽ തൻ വിരലുകൾ മീട്ടുമോ ?

copyright @Ajay Pai 18th  June 2017

Friday, June 16, 2017

ഈറനണിഞ്ഞു  നിൽക്കും നിൻ യൗവ്വനം 
നിറഞ്ഞു തുളുമ്പും മധുചന്ദ്രിക പോൽ 
നിൻ മാറിനെ തഴുകി അതി ലോലമായി 
ഒഴുകും ആ നീർതുള്ളി പോൽ 
അലസമായി നിൻ മേനിയിൽ 
ഒഴുകി പടർന്നുവോ പ്രിയതേ എൻ അധരങ്ങൾ 

copyright @ Ajay Pai

Monday, June 12, 2017

It’s unbelievable how the happiest moment of your life can turn into the worst within minutes. I guess, that’s how people who have been in train wrecks or tsunamis feel, that is, if they have survived to tell the tale. I feel exactly like one such survivor right now.

My wife and I are separated. Not legally yet, but on all other planes, we are. I guess, some relationships are not meant to be. But come to think of it, every relationship does have a silver lining. Ours is Ishaan.  

Ishaan, as the whole world knows by now, means the world to me. It is inconceivable that I think of my life sans Ishaan. If I breathe, it is in the hope that I might see my little one and perhaps he might get to know this accursed being, that is his father.

Well, though Ishaan was snatched from me unlawfully, and all my attempts to reconcile with my wife failed, my heart ached for Ishaan. I sometimes wish she'd let me know the reason why we aren't together and why I have to seek permission to see my own son. I couldn’t stop my parents-in-law from forcefully relocating my son to their house, but how could I give up on seeing my son? He is a piece of my heart and without him, I’m sure my heart would stop beating.

Taking legal recourse, I was “granted” two hours, every second Sunday of the month to see my son. I’m not sure if you’d understand how empty and meaningless 29 days of the month feel and how I live them with the only hope of seeing Ishaan on the one day that I’m entitled to see him. But when that day comes, I’m unbelievably excited, my heart beats like it is compensating for all the other days of the month, and I can’t stop thinking of all that we’d together.    

Yesterday was ‘that’ day. Our day together. Ishaan and I.

I’m supposed to meet my own son in a public place, not in the comfort of my own home, where he can leave memories for me to relish in his absence. Hell, not even in the city where I stay. Though we both stay in the same city, we both have to travel to another city to meet each other. Sounds pretty twisted, I know, but there’s no limit to what someone can do when they have decided to put you through pain. They will not even stop at putting a child through the same pain.  

As would be expected, I arrived before time at the mall to meet Ishaan. After a longish wait, I saw him. My sweet, innocent son, holding hands that were invisible handcuffs. All of 3, he looked like a fine young man. When had he grown so big? He was walking now, which meant I had lost watching him crawl, trying to stand up, fall, and try again, I had missed watching him teeth, taking him to his first haircut, and in short, all the firsts that’s typically father and son. His unsteady gait beckoned me to hold him in my arms and his smile brought tears to my eyes.

When I finally picked him up and held him close, I’m sure everyone could hear my heart break. Under the watchful eye of his grandparents Ishaan played with me. He’d hide and ask me to seek, he’d run and play catch, he’d laugh and speak, like he had never forgotten me. When he helped me pick up clothes and toys for himself, I was so proud of his choices.

But this camaraderie was getting too much for his grandparents, who I believe, did not expect Ishaan to get friendly with me like this. Cruelly, they snatched Ishaan from me and took him away. I was threatened and abused in full public view and told to stay away from my own son. They told my son I’m a bad person and ordered him not to go to me. There’s even a video of the incident captured by me as I was taking a video of my child.

I’ve never felt so broken. My life turned upside down in a matter of minutes.
I wonder what Ishaan felt that day. Did his little mind believe the lies or did he trust his dad? I hope he did the later. If he ever gets to read this someday, I want him to know that he’ll always be a part of my heart and soul.   

#papa #IshaanAPai #Fathersday #dadslove

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Sunday, June 4, 2017

വരികില്ലയോ,  നിലാവേ
നീ  എൻ ചാരേ
വേഴാമ്പൽ പോൽ ഉരുകും
നിനക്കായ്  ഞാൻ 
ഇന്നിതാ ഉരുകി  ഒഴുകി 
നേർത്ത ഒരു ബിന്ദുവായ്‌ 
അലിയുന്നു  ഞാൻ

Copyright +Ajay Pai  4th April 2017

The day you stepped out
You left behind a lot of space
And, an eternal silence
slithering like a venomous reptile

Now, the walls have begun to disintegrate
The doors have fallen apart
The tiles make a crackling rumble
Reminding the collapse of a Kingdom

If you decide to return
You must know
That the Kingdom is lost, and,
The King is taken as a slave.

Copyright +Ajay Pai  23rd March 2017

Monday, May 22, 2017

आज होंठ मिल ही गए नशे से, ग़ालिब

और, बदनाम में हो चला

होंठ मिले जाम से
 तो पता चला की नशा क्या है

तब आई वो
इतराते, मुस्काते
तो अखियां छलक गई
और दिल काँप उठा

उसकी नज़ाकत
उसका प्यार
और उसके ज़हरीले धोखे
नज़र मुझे आए

फिर  भी करता हूँ प्यार उससे
गहरा,  जितना है ये नशा
घुली है वो नस -नस में मेरी
जैसे  हो ज़हर

पीउँगा तब तक,जब तक  होश न रहे
आग़ोश में न ले वो मुझको

पिऊंगा में
टोको न कोई, रोको न कोई

आएगी वो एक दिन
जनाज़े पे मेरे
देखूँगा में तब
क्या लिपटी होगी वो कोरे सफ़ेद में
या होगी वो लिपटी रंगीन गुलाल में

Copyright @ Ajay Pai  22nd May 2017

Saturday, May 13, 2017

थम  जा ए वक़्त, ठहर  जा
जीना अब नहीं  उसके बिना 

है वो नूर मेरे दिल-ए -जिगर  की
कैसे जियूँ उसके बिन ये बता

धुंधला सी  गयी है अब हंसी मेरी 
रुलाके चल न देना कहीं

ये जो आलम है मेरे दिल का
 पहचान ले तू यारा

ये धड़कन अब है मोहताज तेरी
हालत  ये तू  जान ले

बिन वजूद घुट रहा हूँ
तेरे बिन इस चौराहे पे

अगर ये हवायें पहुंचा दे 
उस तक मेरे दिल की खामोशियाँ
शायद, इकरार फरमाएंगी तब
उसकी नूरानी अखियां

Copyright @ Ajay Pai  8th May 2017

Saturday, May 6, 2017

It is 1 am
And, I am sitting’ straight
On my bed waiting for you
The night has grown darker
and, I am up for you

silent is the night
and, empty is my glass
won’t you come home
and, pour me some red wine

sneak-in, hushed
I’ve left the door ajar
let us make some hay
When the night is dark

Touch me once
kiss me twice, make me yours
and, i'll whisper into your ears
tender silent moans

Copyright @ Ajay Pai 
May 7th 2017
Image courtesy: Pixabay 

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

At the edge of my life
Is where I stood
Hopeful were my eyes

Simply then,
Like every fairy tale
There she came, ominous

At her arrival
Horrendous, were the screeches
Of the unborn in the wombs;
Young mothers were scooped of
Their bosoms

On the carcass
Of compassion she stood
With her heels piercing the flesh
Of humankind

Her violin
Zigzagged between
Melody and harmony

At the end of the ballad,
she declared
With three cheers
Peace restored.


Copyright @ Ajay Pai
 02nd May 2017
Image courtesy: Pixabay