Monday, June 26, 2017

दोपहर के तीन बजे थे
और छत पे था कोई खटखटाता
देखा तो थी बूँदें बारिश की
टिप टिप सी कूद रही थी

असमय आनेवाली ये बरसात
ले गयी मुझे वापस मेरे बचपन की गलियों में 
नफरत है मुझे इन बेरंग बूंदों से 
याद दिलाती है ये मुझे टूटी हुई छत की 
और सीली सीली सी  दीवारों की 
जो सूज गई थी गरीबी की कहर से 

कभी बिमारी ले आती थी अपने साथ ये 
या  कभी भूखापेट सुलाकर -
चली जाती थी दबे पाँव  
बिजली जब कौंध जाती थी 
सहम के छुप जाता था में 
माँ के फटे हुए आँचल में 
खुद को बचाते उन काले राक्षसों से 

आज ये बारिश की बूँदें फिर ताज़ा 
कर गई वो यादें, पर आज तो अफ़सोस ये है की 
न रही माँ और न उसका आँचल |

Copyright @ Ajay Pai  26th June 2017
Image courtesy: Pexels

Thursday, June 22, 2017

എൻ ശ്വാസമേ എന്നിൽ നിന്നും 
അകന്നു പോവുന്നതെന്തെ നീ  
കാണാമറയത്തു നിന്നു
കുളിർ കാറ്റു വീശുവാനോ ?
അറിയുന്നുവോ നീ -
എൻ മനതാരിൽ നീളേ നിൻ 
പ്രേമത്തിൻ തളിർ മണ്ഡപങ്ങൾ 
ഒരു ചെമ്പനീർ ഇരുത്തു
നിൻ മുടിയിഴയിൽ വയ്ക്കുവാൻ 
വെറുതെ എൻ മനം തുടിച്ചു 

copyright +Ajay Pai 23rd June 2017
Image courtesy : AJ's personal archive

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Knock me down, kick me off
take me away from the night
that falls tomorrow

my fists are clenched
and, the heart is cold
as you drag me to the podium

I see no angels up there
But, vampires
With their masks on, waiting

It is there on the podium
they’ll pronounce me as a husband
And, the night that ensues
Will blow away from me my virginity.

Copyright @ Ajay Pai 22nd June 2017

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

They never bought me toys
We were poor
Now that I could buy toys
They say, I am grown up

Some dreams remain
And then, you realize 
You've been consumed 
by your own dreams, chasing

So is love, for me
premature was its death
in the womb of my heart
Just like a broken toy

The lump of love
has now hardened like cancer
It has begun to feed on my life;
Slow and painful
Would be my death.

Copyright @ Ajay Pai 11th March 2017

होले  होले  थरथराती 
छनक छनक पायलिया बाँध 
आयी  मेघा बाँवरी बरसती हुई !
बिजली जब कौंध जाती थी 
सहम के टिप टिप गिरते थे 
आँसू उसकी ऊंची अटरिया से !

Copyright @ Ajay Pai  June 20 th 2017 

Sunday, June 18, 2017

നീലാകാശ  ചെരുവിൽ മഞ്ഞു പോൽ 
ഒഴുകി നടക്കും എൻ കാവ്യമേഘമേ 
ഇന്നിനി എങ്ങിനെ  ഞാൻ മൂളും 
എൻ പൈതലിനായ് ഒരു താരാട്ട് 
അമ്മിഞ്ഞ പാലിൻ മധുരം നുണഞ്ഞവൻ 
താതന്റെ  ഹൃദയ നൊമ്പരത്തിൻ 
വീണയിൽ തൻ വിരലുകൾ മീട്ടുമോ ?

copyright @Ajay Pai 18th  June 2017

Friday, June 16, 2017

ഈറനണിഞ്ഞു  നിൽക്കും നിൻ യൗവ്വനം 
നിറഞ്ഞു തുളുമ്പും മധുചന്ദ്രിക പോൽ 
നിൻ മാറിനെ തഴുകി അതി ലോലമായി 
ഒഴുകും ആ നീർതുള്ളി പോൽ 
അലസമായി നിൻ മേനിയിൽ 
ഒഴുകി പടർന്നുവോ പ്രിയതേ എൻ അധരങ്ങൾ 

copyright @ Ajay Pai

Monday, June 12, 2017

It’s unbelievable how the happiest moment of your life can turn into the worst within minutes. I guess, that’s how people who have been in train wrecks or tsunamis feel, that is, if they have survived to tell the tale. I feel exactly like one such survivor right now.

My wife and I are separated. Not legally yet, but on all other planes, we are. I guess, some relationships are not meant to be. But come to think of it, every relationship does have a silver lining. Ours is Ishaan.  

Ishaan, as the whole world knows by now, means the world to me. It is inconceivable that I think of my life sans Ishaan. If I breathe, it is in the hope that I might see my little one and perhaps he might get to know this accursed being, that is his father.

Well, though Ishaan was snatched from me unlawfully, and all my attempts to reconcile with my wife failed, my heart ached for Ishaan. I sometimes wish she'd let me know the reason why we aren't together and why I have to seek permission to see my own son. I couldn’t stop my parents-in-law from forcefully relocating my son to their house, but how could I give up on seeing my son? He is a piece of my heart and without him, I’m sure my heart would stop beating.

Taking legal recourse, I was “granted” two hours, every second Sunday of the month to see my son. I’m not sure if you’d understand how empty and meaningless 29 days of the month feel and how I live them with the only hope of seeing Ishaan on the one day that I’m entitled to see him. But when that day comes, I’m unbelievably excited, my heart beats like it is compensating for all the other days of the month, and I can’t stop thinking of all that we’d together.    

Yesterday was ‘that’ day. Our day together. Ishaan and I.

I’m supposed to meet my own son in a public place, not in the comfort of my own home, where he can leave memories for me to relish in his absence. Hell, not even in the city where I stay. Though we both stay in the same city, we both have to travel to another city to meet each other. Sounds pretty twisted, I know, but there’s no limit to what someone can do when they have decided to put you through pain. They will not even stop at putting a child through the same pain.  

As would be expected, I arrived before time at the mall to meet Ishaan. After a longish wait, I saw him. My sweet, innocent son, holding hands that were invisible handcuffs. All of 3, he looked like a fine young man. When had he grown so big? He was walking now, which meant I had lost watching him crawl, trying to stand up, fall, and try again, I had missed watching him teeth, taking him to his first haircut, and in short, all the firsts that’s typically father and son. His unsteady gait beckoned me to hold him in my arms and his smile brought tears to my eyes.

When I finally picked him up and held him close, I’m sure everyone could hear my heart break. Under the watchful eye of his grandparents Ishaan played with me. He’d hide and ask me to seek, he’d run and play catch, he’d laugh and speak, like he had never forgotten me. When he helped me pick up clothes and toys for himself, I was so proud of his choices.

But this camaraderie was getting too much for his grandparents, who I believe, did not expect Ishaan to get friendly with me like this. Cruelly, they snatched Ishaan from me and took him away. I was threatened and abused in full public view and told to stay away from my own son. They told my son I’m a bad person and ordered him not to go to me. There’s even a video of the incident captured by me as I was taking a video of my child.

I’ve never felt so broken. My life turned upside down in a matter of minutes.
I wonder what Ishaan felt that day. Did his little mind believe the lies or did he trust his dad? I hope he did the later. If he ever gets to read this someday, I want him to know that he’ll always be a part of my heart and soul.   

#papa #IshaanAPai #Fathersday #dadslove

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Sunday, June 4, 2017

വരികില്ലയോ,  നിലാവേ
നീ  എൻ ചാരേ
വേഴാമ്പൽ പോൽ ഉരുകും
നിനക്കായ്  ഞാൻ 
ഇന്നിതാ ഉരുകി  ഒഴുകി 
നേർത്ത ഒരു ബിന്ദുവായ്‌ 
അലിയുന്നു  ഞാൻ

Copyright +Ajay Pai  4th April 2017

The day you stepped out
You left behind a lot of space
And, an eternal silence
slithering like a venomous reptile

Now, the walls have begun to disintegrate
The doors have fallen apart
The tiles make a crackling rumble
Reminding the collapse of a Kingdom

If you decide to return
You must know
That the Kingdom is lost, and,
The King is taken as a slave.

Copyright +Ajay Pai  23rd March 2017