It’s unbelievable how the happiest moment of your life can turn
into the worst within minutes. I guess, that’s how people who have been in
train wrecks or tsunamis feel, that is, if they have survived to tell the tale.
I feel exactly like one such survivor
right now.
My wife and I are separated. Not legally yet, but on all other
planes, we are. I guess, some relationships are not meant to be. But come to
think of it, every relationship does have a silver lining. Ours is Ishaan.
Ishaan, as the whole world knows by now, means the world to me.
It is inconceivable that I think of my life sans Ishaan. If I breathe, it is in
the hope that I might see my little one and perhaps he might get to know this
accursed being, that is his father.
Well, though Ishaan was snatched from me unlawfully, and all my
attempts to reconcile with my wife failed, my heart ached for Ishaan. I sometimes wish she'd let me know the reason why we aren't together and why I have to seek permission to see my own son. I
couldn’t stop my parents-in-law from forcefully relocating my son to their
house, but how could I give
up on seeing my son? He is a piece of my heart and without him, I’m sure my heart would stop beating.
Taking legal recourse, I was “granted” two hours, every second Sunday of
the month to see my son. I’m not sure if you’d understand how empty and meaningless
29 days of the month feel and how I live them with the only hope of seeing
Ishaan on the one day that I’m entitled to see him. But when that day comes,
I’m unbelievably excited, my heart beats like it is compensating for all the
other days of the month, and I can’t stop thinking of all that we’d together.
Yesterday was ‘that’ day. Our day together. Ishaan and I.
I’m supposed to meet my own son in a public place, not in the
comfort of my own home, where he can leave memories for me to relish in his
absence. Hell, not even in the city where I stay. Though we both stay in the
same city, we both have to travel to another city to meet each other. Sounds
pretty twisted, I know, but there’s no limit to what someone can do when they
have decided to put you through pain. They will not even stop at putting a
child through the same pain.
As would be expected, I arrived before time at the mall to meet
Ishaan. After a longish wait, I saw him. My sweet, innocent son, holding hands
that were invisible handcuffs. All of 3, he looked like a fine young man. When
had he grown so big? He was walking now, which meant I had lost watching him
crawl, trying to stand up, fall, and try again, I had missed watching him
teeth, taking him to his first haircut, and in short, all the firsts that’s
typically father and son. His unsteady gait beckoned me to hold him in my arms
and his smile brought tears to my eyes.
When I finally picked him up and held him close, I’m sure
everyone could hear my heart break. Under the watchful eye of his grandparents
Ishaan played with me. He’d hide and ask me to seek, he’d run and play catch,
he’d laugh and speak, like he had never forgotten me. When he helped me pick up
clothes and toys for himself, I was so proud of his choices.
But this camaraderie was getting too much for his grandparents,
who I believe, did not expect Ishaan to get friendly with me like this.
Cruelly, they snatched Ishaan from me and took him away. I was threatened and abused in full public view and told to stay away
from my own son. They told my son I’m a bad person and ordered him not to go to me.
There’s even a video of the incident captured by me as I was taking a video of my child.
I’ve never felt so broken. My life turned upside down in a
matter of minutes.
I wonder what Ishaan felt that day. Did his little mind believe
the lies or did he trust his dad? I hope he did the later. If he ever gets to
read this someday, I want him to know that he’ll always be a part of my heart
and soul.
#papa #IshaanAPai #Fathersday #dadslove
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